Crystal Meth is a hooker and part-time drug dealer. She is friends with Spliffward and is a tweaker, or meth addict, hence her name. She went to a Fish concert with SpongeBong, Hashbrick, and Spliffward, and the main reason she went with them was so they can have some sea mushrooms to enjoy the concert. However, her amphetamine psychosis gave her hallucinations, which eventually led to a severe panic attack, causing her to pull out her eyes and run away.


Crystal is a squirrel modeled to look like a hooker. She is anorexic due to her heavy use of meth, wears a flowered dress, and has an air helmet on in order to breathe. A dead flower is also added as a decoration for her helmet.


Crystal, probably due to her heavy use of meth, is constantly jittery and psychotic. She is also shown to be a thief, as she stole Spliffward's wallet without him noticing.


  • Crystal is a parody of Sandy Cheeks.
  • She is one of the few characters to have her name in a title, while the first is Hashbrick.